1 00:00:02,300 --> 00:00:08,260 Terrible Tudors, gorgeous Georgians Slimy Stuarts, vile Victorians 2 00:00:08,261 --> 00:00:11,142 Woeful wars, ferocious fights Dingy castles, daring knights 3 00:00:11,143 --> 00:00:13,663 Horrors that defy description Cut-throat Celts, awful Egyptians 4 00:00:13,664 --> 00:00:16,784 Vicious Vikings, cruel crimes Punishment from ancient times 5 00:00:16,785 --> 00:00:19,306 Romans, rotten, rank and ruthless Cavemen, savage, fierce and toothless 6 00:00:19,307 --> 00:00:21,827 Groovy Greeks, brainy sages Mean and measly Middle Ages 7 00:00:21,828 --> 00:00:26,947 Gory stories, we do that And your host, a talking rat 8 00:00:26,950 --> 00:00:31,029 The past is no longer a mystery Welcome to... 9 00:00:31,032 --> 00:00:35,672 Horrible Histories. 10 00:00:40,757 --> 00:00:43,356 I've got something amazing to show you. 11 00:00:43,358 --> 00:00:44,757 Ta-da! 12 00:00:44,759 --> 00:00:46,798 It's a ba-na-na. 13 00:00:46,800 --> 00:00:51,399 No-one had ever seen a ba-na- na in Britain before Stuart times 14 00:00:51,402 --> 00:00:54,002 and that's not the only thing that was new. 15 00:00:55,444 --> 00:00:56,843 Oh, lovely! 16 00:00:56,845 --> 00:00:59,284 I really fancy a cuppa. 17 00:00:59,286 --> 00:01:00,805 Oh, me too! 18 00:01:00,807 --> 00:01:03,726 A nice cuppa hot water. 19 00:01:03,728 --> 00:01:07,007 Nothing like a steaming pot of hot water in the afternoon. 20 00:01:07,010 --> 00:01:09,929 Um, I was, er... 21 00:01:09,930 --> 00:01:11,091 - Yes? - I was wondering, 22 00:01:11,092 --> 00:01:13,971 would anyone like some dead leaves in their hot water? 23 00:01:13,973 --> 00:01:15,332 What?! 24 00:01:15,334 --> 00:01:16,933 Dead leaves in water?! 25 00:01:16,934 --> 00:01:19,213 Like a puddle in autumn?! 26 00:01:19,216 --> 00:01:20,895 They're very special leaves, 27 00:01:20,896 --> 00:01:22,535 all the way from China. 28 00:01:22,537 --> 00:01:25,856 Whoopee-doo(!) So these leaves have been in a sack for months 29 00:01:25,859 --> 00:01:29,418 while they've gone halfway round the world in a boat. 30 00:01:29,421 --> 00:01:33,140 Manky, musty old leaves and you want to put them in our hot water?! 31 00:01:33,142 --> 00:01:35,341 They make the hot water taste much nicer. 32 00:01:35,343 --> 00:01:36,702 Please, try some. 33 00:01:36,704 --> 00:01:37,783 Really, Charles. 34 00:01:37,785 --> 00:01:41,024 Honestly, this is the most ludicrous thing I've ever... 35 00:01:41,026 --> 00:01:43,105 Mmm! Ooh, that is nice! 36 00:01:43,107 --> 00:01:44,826 See? You see? 37 00:01:44,828 --> 00:01:47,347 They really do make the hot water taste better! 38 00:01:47,349 --> 00:01:50,149 Oh, I've never heard such nonsense! 39 00:01:51,511 --> 00:01:56,550 - Mmm! Oh, no - that IS nice! - What do you call this drink? 40 00:01:56,554 --> 00:01:58,953 Ah! Well, it's called... 41 00:01:58,955 --> 00:02:00,034 tea. 42 00:02:00,035 --> 00:02:01,634 - Tea? - Tea. 43 00:02:01,636 --> 00:02:03,075 - Tea. - Tea. 44 00:02:03,077 --> 00:02:06,676 - Tea! - His Majesty King Charles is very fond of it, apparently. 45 00:02:06,679 --> 00:02:08,958 Well, you can see why - it's delicious. 46 00:02:08,960 --> 00:02:10,519 You know what we should do? 47 00:02:10,520 --> 00:02:12,639 We should take these leaves of yours, 48 00:02:12,642 --> 00:02:14,841 put them in a small paper envelope, 49 00:02:14,843 --> 00:02:18,562 attach a piece of string to it and call it... 50 00:02:18,564 --> 00:02:21,164 a tea bag! 51 00:02:24,047 --> 00:02:26,726 - John, is everything all right? - Not really, no. 52 00:02:26,728 --> 00:02:28,847 - I do apologise. - Do help yourself to cake. 53 00:02:28,849 --> 00:02:31,209 Yes, let's distract ourselves with cake. 54 00:02:32,531 --> 00:02:36,730 Obviously, no-one invented tea bags until much, much later, 55 00:02:36,733 --> 00:02:40,972 but there really was no tea in Britain until 1656. 56 00:02:40,975 --> 00:02:42,094 So, before then, 57 00:02:42,096 --> 00:02:44,255 it must have been known as Briain. 58 00:02:44,256 --> 00:02:45,296 Do you get it, eh? 59 00:02:45,297 --> 00:02:47,416 No tea in Britain - Briain. 60 00:02:47,418 --> 00:02:49,497 Briain! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! 61 00:02:49,499 --> 00:02:50,778 Suit yourself. 62 00:02:50,780 --> 00:02:53,739 So, the Stuarts thought drinking tea was a bit strange, 63 00:02:53,741 --> 00:02:57,701 but that doing these things was perfectly normal. 64 00:03:10,350 --> 00:03:12,349 Am I going to have to wait much longer? 65 00:03:12,350 --> 00:03:15,749 I'm really sorry about this. We're just very short-staffed today 66 00:03:15,752 --> 00:03:19,031 and I'm waiting for the replacement doctor to come in from... 67 00:03:19,034 --> 00:03:20,793 Oh, dear. The Stuart era. 68 00:03:20,795 --> 00:03:24,794 Burn the sole of an old shoe and then give it to the patient 69 00:03:24,797 --> 00:03:26,876 and encourage him to inhale the smoke. 70 00:03:26,878 --> 00:03:29,677 It is the perfect Stuart cure for swallowing a snake. 71 00:03:29,679 --> 00:03:32,198 There we are. Now run along. 72 00:03:32,200 --> 00:03:33,879 How may I be of service? 73 00:03:33,881 --> 00:03:36,480 This lady's hurt her arm due to a fall. 74 00:03:36,482 --> 00:03:39,041 It just so happens that I have in my possession, 75 00:03:39,043 --> 00:03:42,682 a Stuart cure of note for just such an affliction. 76 00:03:42,685 --> 00:03:45,084 Now, I think a little blood-letting 77 00:03:45,086 --> 00:03:47,525 using a horse leech should do the trick. 78 00:03:47,528 --> 00:03:50,487 Ow! You're making it worse! 79 00:03:50,489 --> 00:03:52,328 Look - it's bleeding! 80 00:03:52,330 --> 00:03:54,729 Fear thee not. We shall stop the flow of blood 81 00:03:54,731 --> 00:03:56,410 using this here feather quill. 82 00:03:56,412 --> 00:03:59,091 You mean put the feather onto the wound? 83 00:03:59,093 --> 00:04:02,852 Don't be ridiculous, young woman! It is perfectly clear 84 00:04:02,855 --> 00:04:06,774 that I shall use the quill to write Veronica on her left thumb. 85 00:04:06,777 --> 00:04:08,576 That should stem the flow of blood. 86 00:04:08,578 --> 00:04:10,377 I feel faint. 87 00:04:10,379 --> 00:04:12,179 I need some water. 88 00:04:15,261 --> 00:04:19,060 - Ugh! What was that? - Ah! Accidentally swallowed a horse leech? 89 00:04:19,063 --> 00:04:20,582 Well, swallow this elixir. 90 00:04:20,584 --> 00:04:22,984 It will remedy the affliction in a moment. 91 00:04:24,906 --> 00:04:26,505 - SHE CHOKES - What is it?! 92 00:04:26,506 --> 00:04:27,905 Vinegar mixed with fleas. 93 00:04:27,907 --> 00:04:29,186 I'm going to be sick. 94 00:04:29,188 --> 00:04:30,827 Nurse, open the window... 95 00:04:30,829 --> 00:04:32,508 He's talking sense at last! 96 00:04:32,509 --> 00:04:36,748 ..while I spread some birdseed around the patient's feet. 97 00:04:36,751 --> 00:04:38,030 Birdseed? 98 00:04:38,032 --> 00:04:41,991 It is the catch-all Stuart cure to treat any truly troublesome ailment. 99 00:04:41,994 --> 00:04:44,993 We just need some pigeons 100 00:04:44,995 --> 00:04:46,554 to peck at the patient's feet. 101 00:04:46,556 --> 00:04:48,955 We used the same treatment for Prince Henry. 102 00:04:48,957 --> 00:04:51,036 And did Prince Henry get better? 103 00:04:51,038 --> 00:04:53,597 No, he died. Still, second time lucky, eh? 104 00:04:53,600 --> 00:04:55,359 Let's get those pigeons in here. 105 00:04:55,360 --> 00:04:56,919 Come on, encourage them. 106 00:04:56,921 --> 00:04:58,160 Coo! Coo! 107 00:04:58,162 --> 00:04:59,922 They'll be here soon. 108 00:05:07,086 --> 00:05:09,485 Welcome back to HHTV Sport, 109 00:05:09,487 --> 00:05:13,246 bringing you exclusive live sporting events from the past. 110 00:05:13,249 --> 00:05:15,168 Today, a big fight special. 111 00:05:15,170 --> 00:05:19,609 In Viking times, quarrels between families - known as feuds - 112 00:05:19,612 --> 00:05:22,051 could get very violent and go on for years. 113 00:05:22,053 --> 00:05:25,892 For more details, let's go over to our commentators field-side. 114 00:05:25,895 --> 00:05:32,254 And you join us here on day 523 of this nail-biting Viking family feud. 115 00:05:32,258 --> 00:05:34,257 Let's look back at how it all started. 116 00:05:34,259 --> 00:05:36,338 - You stupid moose-face. - What? 117 00:05:36,340 --> 00:05:39,659 That's how it started. Erik Olafson called Magnus Bloodaxe 118 00:05:39,662 --> 00:05:40,821 a stupid moose-face. 119 00:05:40,823 --> 00:05:43,502 And here we are a year and a half later. 120 00:05:43,504 --> 00:05:46,023 Let's see...57 dead. 121 00:05:46,025 --> 00:05:49,024 Both sides sticking to the Viking family feud rules. 122 00:05:49,027 --> 00:05:50,666 That's right, John. Rule one - 123 00:05:50,667 --> 00:05:51,746 there are no rules. 124 00:05:51,748 --> 00:05:54,027 Oh, it looks like it's all happening. 125 00:05:54,029 --> 00:05:57,428 The Olafsons have set fire to a. .. a Bloodaxe's home. 126 00:05:57,431 --> 00:06:00,190 It looks like Uncle Ragnar's place. 127 00:06:00,192 --> 00:06:02,271 I think Ragnar's still inside there. 128 00:06:02,272 --> 00:06:03,312 That's nasty. 129 00:06:03,313 --> 00:06:04,712 Yeah, absolutely. 130 00:06:04,714 --> 00:06:07,353 And the Bloodaxes are warming up a substitute. 131 00:06:07,355 --> 00:06:09,474 It's a berserker, Steve! A berserker! 132 00:06:09,476 --> 00:06:13,075 Now, berserkers are very, very special Viking warriors. 133 00:06:13,078 --> 00:06:16,957 Steve, can you tell us about the special movements we're seeing? 134 00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:18,239 Thanks, John, yeah. 135 00:06:18,241 --> 00:06:22,160 He's building himself up into what's known as a berserker battle frenzy, 136 00:06:22,163 --> 00:06:24,962 where he'll become like a wolf or a bear. 137 00:06:24,964 --> 00:06:26,923 I'd say he was doing the wolf. 138 00:06:26,925 --> 00:06:29,724 I'd say it was the bear. 139 00:06:29,726 --> 00:06:31,565 Wooooooo! 140 00:06:31,567 --> 00:06:32,806 Definitely a wolf. 141 00:06:32,808 --> 00:06:35,127 With that howling and frothing at the mouth, 142 00:06:35,129 --> 00:06:39,048 - he'll be preparing himself to go really wild in the fight. - He's off! 143 00:06:39,051 --> 00:06:40,690 That's a good start. 144 00:06:40,692 --> 00:06:42,011 That's extraordinary! 145 00:06:42,012 --> 00:06:44,171 Looks like...a local lord has stepped in 146 00:06:44,173 --> 00:06:47,292 and, after more than a year of fighting, has ended the feud. 147 00:06:47,295 --> 00:06:50,534 Interesting. The local lord is trying to work out 148 00:06:50,536 --> 00:06:52,415 which family has suffered the most. 149 00:06:52,417 --> 00:06:54,936 Working out how much the other family have to pay, 150 00:06:54,939 --> 00:06:58,378 so the feud can end and both families walk away with equal honour. 151 00:06:58,380 --> 00:07:01,859 The blood money's changing hands and it's all over, Steve. 152 00:07:01,862 --> 00:07:03,221 - It's over. - It's over. 153 00:07:03,223 --> 00:07:06,382 It's a great shame - the young berserker winding himself up 154 00:07:06,384 --> 00:07:09,663 for nothing at all. There'll be no more killing here today. 155 00:07:09,666 --> 00:07:12,225 - Woooo! - Spoke too soon, Steve! Leg it! 156 00:07:12,227 --> 00:07:14,067 AAAAARGH! 157 00:07:15,789 --> 00:07:18,428 Yes, we Vikings love to fight. 158 00:07:18,430 --> 00:07:20,509 Dying in battle was an honour 159 00:07:20,511 --> 00:07:22,830 because it meant you get to go to Valhalla, 160 00:07:22,832 --> 00:07:24,111 Viking heaven. 161 00:07:24,113 --> 00:07:27,992 And if you were a chief, you got a really savage send-off too. 162 00:07:27,995 --> 00:07:29,075 Check it out! 163 00:07:30,756 --> 00:07:33,955 You join us on this, the saddest of days. 164 00:07:33,957 --> 00:07:36,316 Our great leader, Ragnar The Brave, is dead 165 00:07:36,319 --> 00:07:40,438 and it's time for his traditional Viking funeral. 166 00:07:40,441 --> 00:07:42,840 As he's laid to rest on his longboat, 167 00:07:42,842 --> 00:07:45,721 he will be sorely missed by his two sons, 168 00:07:45,723 --> 00:07:46,802 Olaf The Fierce... 169 00:07:46,804 --> 00:07:50,083 Grrrarrr! I'm the new leader now! 170 00:07:50,085 --> 00:07:51,484 ..and Sigurd The Bitter. 171 00:07:51,486 --> 00:07:55,725 I wanted to be the new leader, but it's fine. It's fine! It's fine. 172 00:07:55,728 --> 00:07:59,447 Now everything that Ragnar needs for his journey into the afterlife 173 00:07:59,450 --> 00:08:01,529 is thrown into the longboat - 174 00:08:01,531 --> 00:08:04,450 his mighty axe, his steely sword, 175 00:08:04,452 --> 00:08:06,771 his trusty shield, plenty of food... 176 00:08:06,773 --> 00:08:08,252 Walrus pie. 177 00:08:08,254 --> 00:08:11,693 ..and his favourite slave girl. 178 00:08:11,696 --> 00:08:15,335 I was the chief's favourite slave girl? I was his favourite? 179 00:08:15,338 --> 00:08:18,257 Well, this is quite an honour. 180 00:08:18,259 --> 00:08:20,658 And now the longboat will be set on fire... 181 00:08:20,660 --> 00:08:23,340 Oh, great(!) I knew there'd be a catch. 182 00:08:26,303 --> 00:08:28,422 And the ceremony would not be complete 183 00:08:28,424 --> 00:08:30,023 without a moving Viking poem. 184 00:08:30,025 --> 00:08:33,264 Ragnar The Brave has lost his head 185 00:08:33,266 --> 00:08:34,705 We Vikings aren't sad 186 00:08:34,707 --> 00:08:36,226 We party instead! 187 00:08:36,228 --> 00:08:37,867 AAAARRRRGH! 188 00:08:37,868 --> 00:08:42,467 And so the solemn Viking funeral ends in the traditional Viking way. 189 00:08:42,471 --> 00:08:44,910 Right, who wants a fight? 190 00:08:44,912 --> 00:08:47,871 It's what Ragnar would have wanted! 191 00:08:47,873 --> 00:08:50,832 - RAAAARRRR! - AAAARRRRGH! - RAAAARRR! 192 00:08:50,835 --> 00:08:52,594 Such moving scenes. 193 00:08:52,596 --> 00:08:54,236 Quite brings a tear to the eye. 194 00:08:55,877 --> 00:08:58,157 I LOVE A GOOD FUNERAL! 195 00:09:03,121 --> 00:09:04,560 Hello, people of Britain. 196 00:09:04,561 --> 00:09:08,320 I'm here to tell you how to stay nice and safe during an air raid, 197 00:09:08,323 --> 00:09:10,922 with the new Anderson bomb shelter. 198 00:09:10,924 --> 00:09:14,003 It comes with easy-to- follow assembly instructions. 199 00:09:14,006 --> 00:09:16,445 Simply dig a hole in your garden 200 00:09:16,447 --> 00:09:19,006 and with the magic of wood, corrugated iron 201 00:09:19,008 --> 00:09:20,487 and a bit of elbow grease... 202 00:09:20,489 --> 00:09:24,288 Hey, presto! One Anderson bomb-raid shelter. 203 00:09:24,291 --> 00:09:26,170 There's plenty of room for everyone. 204 00:09:26,172 --> 00:09:27,771 - Budge up! - Give over! 205 00:09:27,773 --> 00:09:30,972 You could be in here for up to six hours during a bombing raid, 206 00:09:30,974 --> 00:09:32,693 so remember to bring a good book. 207 00:09:32,695 --> 00:09:35,614 War And Peace - good choice. 208 00:09:35,616 --> 00:09:37,135 Oh, would you stop...? 209 00:09:37,137 --> 00:09:41,016 The Anderson bomb shelter comes with its own en-suite toilet. 210 00:09:41,019 --> 00:09:45,378 Oh, yuck! Where's my gas mask? Ugh! 211 00:09:45,381 --> 00:09:48,020 It could save your life, so don't delay! 212 00:09:48,022 --> 00:09:51,741 Build your Anderson bomb shelter today! 213 00:09:51,744 --> 00:09:54,343 And introducing the new Morrison shelter. 214 00:09:54,346 --> 00:09:58,346 If you've not got a garden, then this little beauty could be for you. 215 00:09:59,468 --> 00:10:02,187 It makes a lovely addition to any London home. 216 00:10:02,189 --> 00:10:05,228 You can even play table tennis on it. 217 00:10:05,231 --> 00:10:06,790 My point, I think. 218 00:10:06,792 --> 00:10:10,351 Be safe from those bombs with the new Morrison shelter. 219 00:10:10,353 --> 00:10:13,912 BOOM! Oh, dear! Budge up! 220 00:10:13,915 --> 00:10:15,434 Room for a small one? 221 00:10:15,436 --> 00:10:16,875 Come along. 222 00:10:16,876 --> 00:10:20,795 Every home needed its own air-raid shelter during the Blitz, 223 00:10:20,798 --> 00:10:24,358 but German bombs weren't the only thing that made life dangerous. 224 00:10:26,601 --> 00:10:31,120 Stupid deaths, stupid deaths They're funny cos they're true 225 00:10:31,123 --> 00:10:36,043 Stupid deaths, stupid deaths Hope next time it's not you. 226 00:10:37,086 --> 00:10:38,845 Well, they had slits up the side. 227 00:10:38,847 --> 00:10:41,326 What's the point in...? Your legs'll get cold. 228 00:10:41,328 --> 00:10:43,487 Yes, er, next, please. 229 00:10:43,489 --> 00:10:45,088 And you are? 230 00:10:45,090 --> 00:10:47,689 A businessman from London during the Blitz. 231 00:10:47,691 --> 00:10:50,090 Oh, no. A cockney. Here we go again. 232 00:10:50,093 --> 00:10:52,932 Let me guess - killed by a bomb, was it, gov? 233 00:10:52,934 --> 00:10:55,333 No, it's a bit more embarrassing than that. 234 00:10:55,335 --> 00:10:58,854 Oh! Goody gumdrops! Do go on. 235 00:10:58,857 --> 00:11:02,256 One night I was on the train home from work during the blackout. 236 00:11:02,259 --> 00:11:04,258 MIMICS COCKNEY ACCENT: The blackout? 237 00:11:04,259 --> 00:11:07,138 To stop the German bombers from finding London, 238 00:11:07,141 --> 00:11:09,980 every night they'd have a blackout - no lights allowed. 239 00:11:09,982 --> 00:11:12,501 Oh, blackout! Oh, I see! 240 00:11:12,503 --> 00:11:14,422 Or rather, I don't! Ha-ha-ha! 241 00:11:14,424 --> 00:11:16,983 Keep up, guys. Keep up. Do go on. 242 00:11:16,986 --> 00:11:21,265 So there I was on me train home and suddenly the train came to a halt 243 00:11:21,268 --> 00:11:23,547 and I thought, "This is my station." 244 00:11:23,549 --> 00:11:25,548 So I'm tootling off the train 245 00:11:25,550 --> 00:11:27,349 and suddenly, "Whoa!" 246 00:11:27,351 --> 00:11:28,510 Splat! 247 00:11:28,511 --> 00:11:30,590 Fell 30 feet to my death. 248 00:11:30,592 --> 00:11:32,391 Very good, but... 249 00:11:32,393 --> 00:11:35,352 Turns out the train was just waiting on a railway bridge. 250 00:11:35,355 --> 00:11:39,154 HE LAUGHS 251 00:11:39,156 --> 00:11:41,555 You thought it was the platform and you... 252 00:11:41,558 --> 00:11:44,637 Ha-ha-ha-ha! That is priceless! 253 00:11:44,639 --> 00:11:46,478 You had a one-way ticket - 254 00:11:46,480 --> 00:11:48,799 straight down! Ha-ha-ha! 255 00:11:48,801 --> 00:11:51,360 Ha! Good! I like it, I like... 256 00:11:51,362 --> 00:11:52,881 Yes, I agree. 257 00:11:52,883 --> 00:11:54,202 Oh, shut up, Louis! 258 00:11:54,204 --> 00:11:57,523 Ooh! Who would have thought that? 259 00:11:57,525 --> 00:12:01,404 Well done! You've got two yeses. You're into the afterlife. 260 00:12:01,407 --> 00:12:02,646 Oh, thank you kindly. 261 00:12:02,647 --> 00:12:04,408 - Enjoy the trip! - Oh, cheers, yeah. 262 00:12:04,409 --> 00:12:06,248 I was referring to the trip... 263 00:12:06,250 --> 00:12:08,569 Oh, yeah. Yeah. Whoo-whoo! 264 00:12:08,571 --> 00:12:11,170 THEY LAUGH Enjoy! I liked him. 265 00:12:11,172 --> 00:12:12,931 Good smile. Kids'll love him. 266 00:12:12,933 --> 00:12:18,533 Stupid deaths, stupid deaths Hope next time it's not you. 267 00:12:28,901 --> 00:12:30,580 It's... 268 00:12:30,581 --> 00:12:31,781 true! 269 00:12:33,903 --> 00:12:35,822 It was so dangerous in the cities 270 00:12:35,824 --> 00:12:39,344 that lots of schoolchildren had to be sent somewhere safer. 271 00:12:40,586 --> 00:12:45,185 'He had been evacuated from the city to a foster home in the country.' 272 00:12:45,188 --> 00:12:47,187 This is your new home now, Charlie, 273 00:12:47,189 --> 00:12:49,348 until the Germans stop bombing London. 274 00:12:49,350 --> 00:12:51,549 Don't worry - you'll be safe here. 275 00:12:51,552 --> 00:12:53,231 Can I go play, Mrs Jones? 276 00:12:53,232 --> 00:12:54,311 Of course, Charlie. 277 00:12:54,313 --> 00:12:56,072 Mind you don't come to any harm. 278 00:12:56,074 --> 00:12:57,553 'But here, he was to face 279 00:12:57,554 --> 00:13:00,913 'something even more terrifying than German bombs. 280 00:13:00,916 --> 00:13:04,995 'It was like nothing he'd ever seen before in the city.' 281 00:13:04,998 --> 00:13:06,197 MOO! 282 00:13:06,199 --> 00:13:07,759 AAARRRGH! 283 00:13:09,360 --> 00:13:10,639 MOO! 284 00:13:10,641 --> 00:13:14,000 Aaargh! It had horns! 285 00:13:14,002 --> 00:13:15,201 To butt with! 286 00:13:15,203 --> 00:13:16,882 It made a terrifying noise! 287 00:13:16,884 --> 00:13:18,283 - Moo! - > 288 00:13:18,285 --> 00:13:19,644 Argh! 289 00:13:19,645 --> 00:13:21,484 It had six eyes. 290 00:13:21,486 --> 00:13:24,645 And a tail on which hangs a brush! 291 00:13:24,648 --> 00:13:26,247 Don't be silly, Charlie. 292 00:13:26,248 --> 00:13:27,487 It's just a cow. 293 00:13:27,489 --> 00:13:29,688 Aaargh! 294 00:13:29,690 --> 00:13:32,289 'Everything was new. Everything was scary.' 295 00:13:32,290 --> 00:13:33,331 - Baa! - > 296 00:13:33,332 --> 00:13:35,251 AAAAARRRRGH! 297 00:13:35,253 --> 00:13:37,452 AAAAAAAARRRRRRGH! 298 00:13:37,454 --> 00:13:39,813 AARGH! 299 00:13:39,815 --> 00:13:43,654 There's nothing to be scared of, Charlie. They're just farm animals. 300 00:13:43,657 --> 00:13:45,656 Why don't you have a relaxing bath? 301 00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:48,257 A bath?! Are you trying to drown me?! 302 00:13:48,259 --> 00:13:50,938 Aaaarrrgh! 303 00:13:50,940 --> 00:13:54,779 'Just when you thought it was safer in the country.' 304 00:13:54,782 --> 00:13:56,621 It is. 305 00:13:56,623 --> 00:14:01,062 It's true - some children from the city had never seen animals before 306 00:14:01,065 --> 00:14:03,544 and they weren't used to regular baths either. 307 00:14:03,547 --> 00:14:05,466 When one pair of evacuees saw a bath, 308 00:14:05,467 --> 00:14:08,186 they really thought they were going to be drowned. 309 00:14:08,189 --> 00:14:10,668 Me, I always have a regular bath. 310 00:14:10,670 --> 00:14:12,590 One every other year. 311 00:14:17,233 --> 00:14:19,912 We didn't write things down in Incan Peru. 312 00:14:19,914 --> 00:14:23,873 Messages were sent around the empire using a relay team of runners 313 00:14:23,876 --> 00:14:25,115 called the Chasquis. 314 00:14:25,117 --> 00:14:28,637 It was a real test of fitness and memory. 315 00:14:29,959 --> 00:14:31,358 You asked for me, Chief. 316 00:14:31,360 --> 00:14:34,559 - Are you from the Chasquis Messenger Services? - Yes, Chief. 317 00:14:34,562 --> 00:14:38,841 I want you to relay the following message to the High Chief at Nazca, 318 00:14:38,844 --> 00:14:40,363 50 miles to the west. 319 00:14:40,364 --> 00:14:42,043 Yes, Chief. What's the message? 320 00:14:42,045 --> 00:14:43,644 Message is... 321 00:14:43,646 --> 00:14:46,605 Invaders are nearing the coast. 322 00:14:46,607 --> 00:14:48,566 Defences must be reinforced. 323 00:14:48,568 --> 00:14:52,407 Send 50 men with spears under cover of night 324 00:14:52,410 --> 00:14:53,849 and please hurry. 325 00:14:53,851 --> 00:14:55,171 Now, go. 326 00:15:00,574 --> 00:15:02,973 - HE PANTS - Chasquis Messenger Service. 327 00:15:02,975 --> 00:15:04,134 Message is... 328 00:15:04,136 --> 00:15:05,935 Invaders are nearing the coast. 329 00:15:05,937 --> 00:15:07,696 The fences must be reinforced. 330 00:15:07,698 --> 00:15:10,858 Send 50 spears under cover of night. Please hurry. 331 00:15:11,860 --> 00:15:12,940 Sweet. 332 00:15:18,103 --> 00:15:20,462 - HE PANTS - Invaders are hearing the most. 333 00:15:20,464 --> 00:15:22,423 Um, the fence is dusty. 334 00:15:22,425 --> 00:15:23,504 Feel the force. 335 00:15:23,505 --> 00:15:26,264 Send 50 spears under the cover of rice. 336 00:15:26,267 --> 00:15:27,387 Please hurry. 337 00:15:29,348 --> 00:15:32,027 HE PANTS The invaders are hearing the ghost. 338 00:15:32,029 --> 00:15:33,388 This fence is rusty. 339 00:15:33,390 --> 00:15:34,469 Peel the horse. 340 00:15:34,471 --> 00:15:35,670 Send 50 spears 341 00:15:35,671 --> 00:15:36,910 under cover of rice... 342 00:15:36,912 --> 00:15:37,962 and peas. 343 00:15:40,754 --> 00:15:42,113 What news? 344 00:15:42,114 --> 00:15:45,193 The invaders in earrings are ghosts. 345 00:15:45,196 --> 00:15:47,515 The fence was rusted by a peeing horse. 346 00:15:47,517 --> 00:15:50,397 Send Britney Spears covered in pea and rice curry. 347 00:15:52,159 --> 00:15:53,759 Well, you heard the man. 348 00:15:56,281 --> 00:16:00,080 Thankfully, the Chasquis messengers didn't just rely on their memories. 349 00:16:00,083 --> 00:16:03,322 They also used an elaborate system of knotted string, 350 00:16:03,325 --> 00:16:04,764 which was so complicated, 351 00:16:04,765 --> 00:16:07,524 the Incas had to spend an entire year at school 352 00:16:07,527 --> 00:16:09,166 just learning to tie knots! 353 00:16:09,167 --> 00:16:11,566 Huh! And you thought double maths was bad! 354 00:16:11,569 --> 00:16:14,369 No wonder some of their stories sound a bit mixed up. 355 00:16:19,532 --> 00:16:22,011 Hello and welcome to the News At When. 356 00:16:22,014 --> 00:16:23,853 When - the 1000s, 357 00:16:23,855 --> 00:16:26,734 and in South America, the Incas have emerged 358 00:16:26,736 --> 00:16:29,655 and set about building their very own empire. 359 00:16:29,657 --> 00:16:32,616 They have an incredible story of how it all happened. 360 00:16:32,619 --> 00:16:35,898 Some of it is true, a lot of it probably isn't, 361 00:16:35,900 --> 00:16:40,099 but here, anyway, is Bob Hale with the Incan report. Bob. 362 00:16:40,102 --> 00:16:43,021 Thank you, Sam. Well, the year is 1070 or thereabouts. 363 00:16:43,024 --> 00:16:44,263 That, there, is Peru 364 00:16:44,264 --> 00:16:47,703 and the Incan people are just about to magically appear from a cave. 365 00:16:47,706 --> 00:16:50,145 It sounds weird. You don't have to believe it. 366 00:16:50,147 --> 00:16:52,666 The important thing is, the Incans believed it. 367 00:16:52,669 --> 00:16:55,748 One generation told it to the next, who told it to the next... 368 00:16:55,750 --> 00:16:59,389 Just like I'm telling it to you, but without the rather fetching tie. 369 00:16:59,392 --> 00:17:01,871 First out of the cave, we have this chap - Manco - 370 00:17:01,873 --> 00:17:05,312 followed by his brothers, sisters and the rest of the Incan people. 371 00:17:05,315 --> 00:17:08,554 Manco appoints himself leader and to ensure he stays that way, 372 00:17:08,556 --> 00:17:10,355 promptly kills all his brothers. 373 00:17:10,357 --> 00:17:11,636 Better safe than sorry! 374 00:17:11,638 --> 00:17:13,357 Then he marries his sister - yuck! 375 00:17:13,359 --> 00:17:16,838 They have some children - yuck! They settle in a place called Cuzco. 376 00:17:16,840 --> 00:17:20,439 Yuck for the people who lived there because the Incans kicked them out. 377 00:17:20,442 --> 00:17:23,521 See ya! So Manco becomes the first lord of Cuzco. 378 00:17:23,524 --> 00:17:26,763 The Incans have a place to call home and that is the end of that. 379 00:17:26,765 --> 00:17:27,964 But not for long! 380 00:17:27,966 --> 00:17:29,725 When mighty Manco pops his socks, 381 00:17:29,727 --> 00:17:32,566 there's an argument about which son will replace him, 382 00:17:32,568 --> 00:17:34,047 but Mrs Manco sorts it out. 383 00:17:34,049 --> 00:17:36,368 She wants it to be her favourite son, Sinchi, 384 00:17:36,370 --> 00:17:38,769 so she dresses him up in this pure gold tunic - 385 00:17:38,771 --> 00:17:40,890 one that's almost as fetching as my tie - 386 00:17:40,892 --> 00:17:42,451 and pretends he is the sun god, 387 00:17:42,453 --> 00:17:44,692 a plan, which - quite unbelievably - works! 388 00:17:44,694 --> 00:17:46,853 Since no-one will argue with the sun god, 389 00:17:46,855 --> 00:17:49,014 Sinchi becomes the second lord of Cuzco! 390 00:17:49,016 --> 00:17:52,335 But not for long! After inventing the official royal haircut... 391 00:17:52,336 --> 00:17:53,377 Yes, I'm serious. 392 00:17:53,378 --> 00:17:55,297 ..Sinchi is replaced by Lord Lloque, 393 00:17:55,299 --> 00:17:57,978 who's so ugly, his own wife can't bear to look at him. 394 00:17:57,980 --> 00:18:00,659 He looks like a plate of mince. Unlucky, Lloque. 395 00:18:00,662 --> 00:18:03,621 Then comes this big bully - Mayta - and I mean he's big! 396 00:18:03,623 --> 00:18:07,182 By the age of one, he was the size of an eight-year-old child. 397 00:18:07,185 --> 00:18:09,584 Just imagine the nappies! Eugh! 398 00:18:09,586 --> 00:18:12,945 Then comes his son, Capac, known as the unforgettable prince, 399 00:18:12,948 --> 00:18:14,747 who is promptly forgotten about. 400 00:18:14,748 --> 00:18:18,347 We know nothing about him except he was followed by his son, Roca... 401 00:18:18,350 --> 00:18:19,989 HE SINGS A ROCK RIFF 402 00:18:19,991 --> 00:18:22,150 ..who was then followed by his son, Yahua, 403 00:18:22,152 --> 00:18:24,431 who was then murdered by his son, Viracocha. 404 00:18:24,433 --> 00:18:26,472 Not satisfied by being lord of Cuzco, 405 00:18:26,474 --> 00:18:28,113 he insists on being called God. 406 00:18:28,115 --> 00:18:29,434 Big-headed much?! 407 00:18:29,436 --> 00:18:32,875 If you thought that was arrogant, you should see what he gets up to! 408 00:18:32,877 --> 00:18:35,676 He starts taking over all the neighbouring lands 409 00:18:35,679 --> 00:18:38,558 and pretty soon bullying becomes the family business. 410 00:18:38,560 --> 00:18:40,239 Along comes his son, Pachacutec 411 00:18:40,241 --> 00:18:41,480 and his grandson, Tupac 412 00:18:41,481 --> 00:18:44,280 who take over enough land to create the one and only... 413 00:18:44,281 --> 00:18:45,482 Da da-da da-da-da-da! 414 00:18:45,483 --> 00:18:46,523 ..Incan Empire! 415 00:18:46,524 --> 00:18:47,924 And that is the end of that! 416 00:18:47,925 --> 00:18:49,924 Or so we thought! 417 00:18:49,925 --> 00:18:52,164 in 1493, Huayna becomes the Incan Emperor 418 00:18:52,167 --> 00:18:54,886 and while he's off conquering Ecuador, up there, 419 00:18:54,888 --> 00:18:56,767 trouble turns up back down in Cuzco, 420 00:18:56,769 --> 00:18:58,368 trouble that looks like this. 421 00:18:58,369 --> 00:18:59,409 Aliens! 422 00:18:59,410 --> 00:19:00,849 No, not really. It's germs! 423 00:19:00,851 --> 00:19:03,210 A plague from Bolivia, down there, sweeps up, 424 00:19:03,212 --> 00:19:04,771 killing thousands of Incans. 425 00:19:04,773 --> 00:19:08,092 What does Huayna do? Rushes home, catches the plague and dies. 426 00:19:08,094 --> 00:19:10,573 What an idiot! While the Incans are busy dying, 427 00:19:10,575 --> 00:19:12,614 even more trouble turns up! Aliens! 428 00:19:12,616 --> 00:19:15,135 No, not really. It's the Spanish Conquistadors 429 00:19:15,138 --> 00:19:18,057 who want the Incan gold and what do they bring with them? 430 00:19:18,059 --> 00:19:21,418 Aliens! No, just even more germs - diseases from Europe this time, 431 00:19:21,421 --> 00:19:22,500 smallpox, in fact. 432 00:19:22,501 --> 00:19:25,940 Should have been called bigpox because they killed so many Incans. 433 00:19:25,943 --> 00:19:28,582 After going from one tiny cave to an entire empire, 434 00:19:28,584 --> 00:19:30,943 the Incans were wiped out by a combination of 435 00:19:30,945 --> 00:19:34,664 Spanish greediness, Incan weediness, wheezes, sneezes and diseases 436 00:19:34,667 --> 00:19:37,226 and not by knobbly kneeses, short-term leases, 437 00:19:37,228 --> 00:19:40,267 ceaseless sea breezes, winter freezes, the Japaneses 438 00:19:40,270 --> 00:19:42,469 or this fine selection of Greek cheeses, 439 00:19:42,471 --> 00:19:44,750 including this feta to which I am allergic. 440 00:19:44,752 --> 00:19:46,991 - HE CHOKES - Oh, no - I'm fine. 441 00:19:46,993 --> 00:19:48,113 Oh, no - I'm not! 442 00:19:56,638 --> 00:19:58,517 So, that's your homework - 443 00:19:58,519 --> 00:20:00,918 learn 100 English words. 444 00:20:00,920 --> 00:20:02,519 Do we have to, miss? 445 00:20:02,521 --> 00:20:05,640 Yes, you do! The English run all the schools in Wales, 446 00:20:05,642 --> 00:20:07,561 so which language do we speak? 447 00:20:07,563 --> 00:20:12,042 - ALL: - English, miss. - And what happens if I hear you speaking Welsh? 448 00:20:12,045 --> 00:20:14,844 We have to wear the Welsh Not, miss. 449 00:20:14,847 --> 00:20:15,966 That's right. 450 00:20:15,967 --> 00:20:17,606 You have to put on the Welsh Not 451 00:20:17,608 --> 00:20:19,167 like Jenkins, here. 452 00:20:19,169 --> 00:20:22,808 Jenkins, you used a Welsh word, didn't you? 453 00:20:22,811 --> 00:20:25,850 - Yes, miss. - Which word did you say? 454 00:20:25,852 --> 00:20:29,331 Miss! I know - it was Cymru. 455 00:20:29,334 --> 00:20:32,693 You said it! You said a Welsh word! You have to put the Welsh Not on. 456 00:20:32,695 --> 00:20:35,454 GIRL GIGGLES What are you sniggering at, girl? 457 00:20:35,457 --> 00:20:39,816 Sorry, miss. I just can't believe he said Cymru. 458 00:20:39,819 --> 00:20:41,338 Oh, dear. 459 00:20:41,340 --> 00:20:43,139 What are we going to do now? 460 00:20:43,140 --> 00:20:45,539 Wear the Welsh Not, miss? 461 00:20:45,542 --> 00:20:49,421 Correct, and we all know what happens to the last person 462 00:20:49,423 --> 00:20:53,382 to be wearing the Welsh Not at the end of the school day, don't we? 463 00:20:53,385 --> 00:20:55,464 - Yes, miss. - They get... 464 00:20:55,466 --> 00:20:57,025 a beating! 465 00:20:57,027 --> 00:20:59,626 - Miss? - Yes. - What does Cymru mean? 466 00:20:59,628 --> 00:21:00,827 THEY GASP 467 00:21:00,829 --> 00:21:04,108 It's Welsh for Wales, but the bell's about to go, 468 00:21:04,111 --> 00:21:05,670 so bend over for your beating. 469 00:21:05,671 --> 00:21:08,031 Yes, miss. 470 00:21:12,074 --> 00:21:14,713 Ah, somebody's been speaking Welsh, have they? 471 00:21:14,716 --> 00:21:15,995 Yes, headmaster. 472 00:21:15,996 --> 00:21:17,995 Some people never learn. 473 00:21:17,997 --> 00:21:20,356 The silly clot asked me what Cymru means! 474 00:21:20,358 --> 00:21:22,317 THEY GASP 475 00:21:22,319 --> 00:21:23,759 BELL RINGS 476 00:21:27,402 --> 00:21:29,041 Let this be a lesson to you. 477 00:21:29,043 --> 00:21:31,162 THWACK! Ow! Thank you, sir. 478 00:21:31,164 --> 00:21:33,523 THWACK! Ow! Sorry, sir. 479 00:21:33,525 --> 00:21:37,004 Schools were made free in 1891. 480 00:21:37,007 --> 00:21:39,286 Until then, it cost a penny a day 481 00:21:39,288 --> 00:21:42,007 and not all parents thought it was value for money. 482 00:21:42,009 --> 00:21:43,168 Good day. 483 00:21:43,170 --> 00:21:46,690 MUSIC: EastEnders Theme Tune 484 00:21:49,052 --> 00:21:51,651 Mother, Father. You wanted to see me? 485 00:21:51,654 --> 00:21:53,053 Ah, here she is - 486 00:21:53,054 --> 00:21:55,213 our beloved 16th daughter. 487 00:21:55,215 --> 00:21:57,254 - What's your name again? - Chastity. 488 00:21:57,256 --> 00:21:59,415 Chastity! I told you! 489 00:21:59,417 --> 00:22:03,216 Right, Chastity, we'd like to talk to you on your school attendance. 490 00:22:03,219 --> 00:22:05,458 - Yes? - It seems you've been going. 491 00:22:05,460 --> 00:22:06,539 Every day. 492 00:22:06,541 --> 00:22:08,500 After everything we've done for you, 493 00:22:08,502 --> 00:22:11,421 could you not at least have bunked off school once? 494 00:22:11,423 --> 00:22:14,862 Costs us a penny every day, five days a week, 40 weeks a year! 495 00:22:14,865 --> 00:22:16,824 Have you any idea how much that is? 496 00:22:16,826 --> 00:22:19,025 5 times 40... 497 00:22:19,027 --> 00:22:21,146 200 pence. 498 00:22:21,148 --> 00:22:23,707 - I learned maths at school. - It's a waste of time. 499 00:22:23,709 --> 00:22:26,708 You should be down that factory bringing some money in! 500 00:22:26,711 --> 00:22:30,190 If you're so good at maths, you tell me what you get 501 00:22:30,192 --> 00:22:33,671 when you divide a loaf of bread between 18 people? 502 00:22:33,674 --> 00:22:34,873 Nothing! 503 00:22:34,875 --> 00:22:37,274 It's an 18th, actually. 504 00:22:37,276 --> 00:22:39,915 Oh, Father. Where did we go wrong? 505 00:22:39,917 --> 00:22:42,716 I thought you'd be pleased. Look at my school report. 506 00:22:42,718 --> 00:22:44,118 I'm doing really well. 507 00:22:45,560 --> 00:22:47,039 Aren't you going to read it? 508 00:22:47,041 --> 00:22:49,240 - We can't read! - Well, I can. 509 00:22:49,242 --> 00:22:52,561 I learned how to at school and it says I'm top of the class. 510 00:22:52,563 --> 00:22:55,322 You should be top of a chimney with a brush in your hand! 511 00:22:55,325 --> 00:22:59,244 That's what I was doing at your age. It didn't do me any h... 512 00:22:59,246 --> 00:23:02,085 HE COUGHS AND CHOKES 513 00:23:02,088 --> 00:23:05,447 Or you should be down at the ribbon factory like me. 514 00:23:05,449 --> 00:23:07,008 But I like school. 515 00:23:07,010 --> 00:23:09,649 What's to like about school, eh? What do you like? 516 00:23:09,652 --> 00:23:12,251 Is it the learning or the ruthless beating? 517 00:23:12,253 --> 00:23:15,652 Cos if it is the beatings you like, darling, your dad'll beat you. 518 00:23:15,654 --> 00:23:19,333 I certainly will and I won't charge you a penny a day for it either. 519 00:23:19,336 --> 00:23:21,615 But they don't beat me. I'm a good pupil. 520 00:23:21,617 --> 00:23:25,136 The teacher says, if I pass my exams, I could become a teacher. 521 00:23:25,139 --> 00:23:27,378 What do you want to be a teacher for, eh? 522 00:23:27,380 --> 00:23:31,419 You want to beat up innocent kids all day, earning 60 a year? 523 00:23:31,422 --> 00:23:33,062 Hang on. 524 00:23:34,223 --> 00:23:36,502 That's more than I earn in a decade! 525 00:23:36,505 --> 00:23:38,064 Oh, Chastity, darling. 526 00:23:38,065 --> 00:23:40,584 We're so proud of you, darling. 527 00:23:40,587 --> 00:23:42,786 - She's my favourite, I always said. - I know. 528 00:23:42,788 --> 00:23:44,147 So when do you start? 529 00:23:44,148 --> 00:23:45,188 That's right - 530 00:23:45,189 --> 00:23:49,228 in Victorian times, you could become a teacher aged just 14. 531 00:23:49,231 --> 00:23:50,470 How silly was that? 532 00:23:50,471 --> 00:23:53,590 I mean, what classes could a teenage boy teach? 533 00:23:53,593 --> 00:23:54,712 Double spot-picking 534 00:23:54,713 --> 00:23:57,752 followed by how to sleep in late and wear your jeans too low? 535 00:23:57,755 --> 00:23:58,805 Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! 536 00:24:02,877 --> 00:24:05,836 Hi, I'm a lonesome cowboy. 537 00:24:05,839 --> 00:24:07,438 HE BREAKS WIND 538 00:24:07,440 --> 00:24:08,599 And that's why! 539 00:24:08,600 --> 00:24:10,359 When I go out driving cattle, 540 00:24:10,361 --> 00:24:13,080 there's three things I always take with me - 541 00:24:13,082 --> 00:24:14,961 my six gun, 542 00:24:14,963 --> 00:24:16,202 my hat 543 00:24:16,204 --> 00:24:18,443 and the must-have cowboy accessory - 544 00:24:18,445 --> 00:24:21,204 the mew multi-purpose bandana. 545 00:24:21,206 --> 00:24:23,605 Yes, the new multi-purpose bandana is... 546 00:24:23,607 --> 00:24:26,206 a dust mask when you're driving cattle, 547 00:24:26,209 --> 00:24:28,648 sun protection for the back of the neck, 548 00:24:28,650 --> 00:24:31,569 an oven glove when you're holding a hot pot of beans. 549 00:24:31,571 --> 00:24:34,450 It's also useful when you've eaten the beans. 550 00:24:34,453 --> 00:24:36,172 - HE BREAKS WIND - Poo-ee! 551 00:24:36,173 --> 00:24:37,213 And that's not all! 552 00:24:37,214 --> 00:24:39,413 New multi-purpose bandana also... 553 00:24:39,415 --> 00:24:43,014 makes a handy tourniquet if you get bitten by a rattlesnake, 554 00:24:43,017 --> 00:24:46,136 or a great sling if you break a limb. 555 00:24:46,138 --> 00:24:49,017 It even doubles up as earmuffs in cold weather. 556 00:24:49,020 --> 00:24:50,299 And that's not all! 557 00:24:50,300 --> 00:24:53,419 New multi-purpose bandana is also... 558 00:24:53,422 --> 00:24:55,941 a useful mask if you want to steal something. 559 00:24:55,943 --> 00:24:59,982 Good day to you, sir. Now hand over all your bandanas. 560 00:24:59,985 --> 00:25:04,744 New multi-purpose bandana. Available now in general stores. 561 00:25:04,747 --> 00:25:08,346 Warning - trying to steal a bandana can result in a nasty headache! 562 00:25:08,349 --> 00:25:10,629 CLANG! I told you so! 563 00:25:27,278 --> 00:25:28,757 The answer is... 564 00:25:28,759 --> 00:25:32,078 they are all genuine cowboy towns! 565 00:25:32,081 --> 00:25:33,560 Who'd have thought it? 566 00:25:33,561 --> 00:25:36,280 Actually, that's a real cowboy town name, too. 567 00:25:36,283 --> 00:25:39,002 Who'd Have Thought It - Alabama. 568 00:25:39,004 --> 00:25:40,883 Howdy. 569 00:25:40,885 --> 00:25:43,444 You know what you need to be a genuine cowboy? 570 00:25:43,446 --> 00:25:44,685 Cows. 571 00:25:44,687 --> 00:25:47,246 You ain't herding cattle, you ain't no cowboy. 572 00:25:47,248 --> 00:25:51,367 HE PLAYS HARMONICA 573 00:25:51,370 --> 00:25:53,449 Well, I'm a real-life cowboy 574 00:25:53,451 --> 00:25:55,370 Just a quiet, humble fella 575 00:25:55,372 --> 00:25:57,571 That's what we're like Apart from Mike 576 00:25:57,573 --> 00:25:59,132 Yeah, I'm more of a yeller 577 00:25:59,134 --> 00:26:02,013 Sing songs to pass the evenings 578 00:26:02,014 --> 00:26:04,455 And because it soothes the herd So they won't stampede 579 00:26:04,456 --> 00:26:05,895 Unless Mike sings lead 580 00:26:05,897 --> 00:26:07,776 And shouts every single word... 581 00:26:07,778 --> 00:26:10,577 - Mike! - Sorry! 582 00:26:10,579 --> 00:26:12,818 ..Cos we're cowboys 583 00:26:12,820 --> 00:26:14,419 Real-life cowboys 584 00:26:14,421 --> 00:26:18,980 Not like the ones you've seen on your TV 585 00:26:18,983 --> 00:26:21,022 We've never held up banks at all 586 00:26:21,024 --> 00:26:23,703 - We're poorly paid - And kind of small 587 00:26:23,706 --> 00:26:27,426 You still want to be a cowboy Stick with me 588 00:26:30,309 --> 00:26:32,068 On your horse for 18 hours 589 00:26:32,070 --> 00:26:33,949 Saddle sores a curse 590 00:26:33,950 --> 00:26:36,351 - Then feed your horse - And yourself of course 591 00:26:36,352 --> 00:26:38,632 - Those beans just make it worse! - HE BREAKS WIND 592 00:26:38,633 --> 00:26:41,673 - Then you're back driving cattle - That's what being a cowboy means 593 00:26:41,674 --> 00:26:44,153 Moving those beasts from west to east 594 00:26:44,156 --> 00:26:46,266 - HE BREAKS WIND - Sorry, it's the beans! 595 00:26:47,477 --> 00:26:49,516 Cos we're cowboys 596 00:26:49,518 --> 00:26:50,957 Real-life cowboys 597 00:26:50,959 --> 00:26:55,318 Not like the ones you've seen in the movies 598 00:26:55,321 --> 00:26:57,720 We're not big hunks like that John Wayne 599 00:26:57,722 --> 00:26:59,921 Cos our horses would complain 600 00:26:59,923 --> 00:27:01,842 If you still want to be a cowboy 601 00:27:01,844 --> 00:27:03,964 Join us, please. 602 00:27:06,687 --> 00:27:10,366 You should be aware we have some customs that are strange 603 00:27:10,368 --> 00:27:14,727 Like saying howdy and not hello when you're out here on the range 604 00:27:14,730 --> 00:27:17,129 Never touch a cowboy's hat 605 00:27:17,132 --> 00:27:18,851 Never ride his horse 606 00:27:18,852 --> 00:27:21,011 So what if I took your old mare? 607 00:27:21,014 --> 00:27:23,533 - Well, I'd shoot you, of course! - Fair enough! 608 00:27:23,535 --> 00:27:24,854 Cowboys 609 00:27:24,855 --> 00:27:27,254 Real-life cowboys 610 00:27:27,257 --> 00:27:31,296 Not like the ones you see on silver screens 611 00:27:31,298 --> 00:27:32,977 We don't go out starting fights 612 00:27:32,979 --> 00:27:35,458 Cos unions fought for our rights 613 00:27:35,461 --> 00:27:40,180 Now Mike will do a solo thanks to beans... 614 00:27:40,183 --> 00:27:42,183 HE BREAKS WIND TUNEFULLY 615 00:27:43,696 --> 00:27:45,785 How was that? 616 00:27:45,786 --> 00:27:47,466 It stunk! 617 00:27:48,187 --> 00:27:52,026 ..And now, my friends I fear that the end is drawing near 618 00:27:52,029 --> 00:27:54,989 Cos we only ruled the range for 20 years. 619 00:27:57,071 --> 00:27:58,910 ALL: Yee-haw! 620 00:27:58,911 --> 00:28:01,310 Tall tales, atrocious acts We gave you all the fearsome facts 621 00:28:01,311 --> 00:28:02,350 The ugly truth... 622 00:28:02,351 --> 00:28:04,830 Want to travel through the time sewers with me? 623 00:28:04,831 --> 00:28:07,950 Then play Horrible Histories' Terrible Treasures. 624 00:28:07,951 --> 00:28:11,510 Go to the CBBC website and click on Horrible Histories. 625 00:28:11,511 --> 00:28:12,670 ..a mystery 626 00:28:12,671 --> 00:28:17,231 Hope you enjoyed Horrible Histories. 627 00:28:17,281 --> 00:28:21,831 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0